7. Bribe Elton John to rewrite "Candle in the Wind" again, this time on behalf of Windows. (Goodbye DOS prompt, Seems we hardly knew you at all...)
6. Change slogan from "Microsoft -- Where do you want to go today?" to "Microsoft -- We feel your pain!"
5. Introduce new, more sensitive error messages. For instance, "Runtime Error: Invalid use of null" would now read: "Hello friend! May I take just a moment of your time? Sometimes things that seem like 'nothing' can cause a problem, but we still value you!"
4. Establish a special Make-A-Wish fund to send terminated Netscape workers to Disney World.
3. Install new Sensitivity Wizards on every employee's computer with step-by-step instructions on pretending to care.
2. Hold a telethon for victims of Window 95 crashes.
1. Plant a tree for every company they've plowed under