Editor's Note: We hope you enjoy our attempts at April Fool's humor in the following article!

Microsoft has released Microsoft Robert 2008, a desktop management application that helps novice IT pros get up to speed quickly with Windows Server 2008. "Windows Server 2008 isn’t the easiest product to use," says Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer. "We’ve learned a lot about how to improve this latest server thing thanks to our intense dogfooding efforts, so we decided to productize that knowledge into Microsoft Robert 2008, which is our latest uber desktop management application, blah, blah, blah." According to the launch news release, the application seeks out and isolates "cancerous Linux machines" on the network and features helpful animated guides that can assist users with overly difficult IT housekeeping tasks, such as VM downgrades from ESX Server to Hyper-V, or helping Windows Vista Ultimate users find their elusive Ultimate Extras. More than a dozen animated guides are included, ranging from Happy Santa (who loves to chat on MSN), to Steve Jay (a hip, turtleneck-wearing tech executive from California that can’t get enough of Windows Vista). According to Ballmer, Microsoft Robert 2008 provides a crisp, timely solution to once onerous IT tasks. "With this product, our customers won’t have to learn about confusing concepts like 'Group Policy' and 'Active Directory' anymore--only nerds need to know that stuff anyway." For more information go to www.windowsitpro.com/Windows/Article/ArticleID/98542/98542.html.